On Listening
I’m forgetting how to speak out loud.
Every time that I open my mouth and make any audible noise I don’t recognize the voice that comes out. I don’t use it enough to learn how it’s supposed to sound.
With each different person that I speak with I seem to use a different voice, pitch and cadence. When I’m at work I wait to hear a person speak before I greet them or introduce myself, because I need to match how they sound. An old coworker once referred to a sales technique called “Words, Music and Dance" where you would adjust how you spoke to a client based on the verbiage they used, the pitch and volume they say it with and the body language they used. That’s how I feel I talk to everyone now.
I can’t remember the last time I used my real voice. I don’t think I know what it is anymore.
I can’t force someone to talk to me.
Listening is my job. When someone steps into my store it is my job to listen to them - even if they’re not talking to me. People won’t admit they need help the moment they see me, so I listen for my cue to step in and help. I used to dive right in asking questions to understand someone’s needs, but more than ever people seem hesitant to engage with me - and so I don’t force them to. I listen and wait until they’re ready.
When they’re ready to talk to me, I’ll match how they sound. I’ll sound however I need to in order to make them feel comfortable. That is, if they decide to talk to me at all.
I don’t want to talk to people who don’t listen.
Listening to people all the time makes me want to talk to people even less. I overhear people being loud, vulgar and insensitive. I hear people with these performative mannerisms fill a room with their voice even if they have nothing to say. I’ll hear two people talking at each other but not with each other - where they’ll wait for their turn to say something without having heard anything said by the person in front of them.
And people wonder why I won’t join the conversation. Why would I? Why should I?